Confessions of the chronically single: Part I

Over the past couple of years, I've been doing a lot of thinking about life and relationships in the hopes of figuring some things out. I'm (cough) 30 years old now and the only "long-term" relationship that I've been in was way more off than on and very dysfunctional. For those of you who know what I'm talking about, you'll understand why I put that in quotes. Other than that, there have been practically decade-long crushes in junior high/high school, failed attempts at dating in college, a five year drought of NOTHING and, most recently, four dates over the past year with three guys...none of which went very far. Obviously. I either immediately find something wrong with the guy and then it has no chance or I start thinking too far into the future and freak myself out. Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing. I've gotten really comfortable with my life the way that it is and cannot fathom how a guy would fit into it. Which, obviously, is a big problem. I mean really...I watch A LOT of TV, I pee with the door open and often eat popcorn for dinner. And lunch. I'm generally a good person, but I have my moments. I'm very independent...the thought of having to consider someone else in my decisions is...what's the word? Distressing. I'm self-involved and vain. My mood swings are becoming somewhat legen-wait for it-dary. I have a hard time letting people in. This includes friends and family. I like to keep people at a distance. I don't really know why...it's probably some kind of chemical imbalance or something. Maybe I have mild Asperger's. Or something. I don't know...I don't think that I'm completely socially awkward, but I'm definitely not graceful. I don't do small talk very well, even with my friends. I often come off snobby, disinterested or bored when in actuality I'm just really uncomfortable. So dating someone that I don't already know is really hard for me. I got myself so worked up with the last guy that I thought I might puke or something. I felt like I was going to an interview and as much as I rationally knew that it was fine and not a big deal, my irrational brain won out and I ended up being really weird. Not that I'm not weird...because I am. Just really weird and not myself. What it boils down to is that I'm honestly just not sure if I even want to be in a relationship. Most of the time I'm totally okay with being single. Most of the time. The other times...I'm not sure what it is that I feel like I'm missing. I think that I don't know what that is because I've never really had whatever it is in the first place. Ugh. Whatever. I'm at a loss. I throw my hands up in defeat.

Good times on I-94

I had the day off today and spent the morning doing a whole lot of nothing as per usual. I woke up at 10 or so, let Max out potty, ate breakfast and had a cup of coffee. I watched Sunday's Desperate Housewives and spent some time on Facebook (totally addicted). I actually was considering just going back to bed because I was super tired from shoveling and having to work late last night. A nap sounded like a really good idea, but...alas...I desperately needed to get dog food for Max. I was completely out and had fed him treats for breakfast. Then, I hit up gamestop.com and found out that they are selling Wiis again and just had to order one!! I've been having some serious Wii-envy lately since it seems that everyone either just got one for Xmas this year, or had one already and got Wii Fit. That's all anyone can talk about! So I've been on the hunt the past week or so and had resigned myself to the fact that I was just going to have to wait since the only ones I could find were being sold by private sellers for around 30% more than the thing is supposed to be sold for. I refuse to get screwed. Anyway...I'm getting a Wii and am very excited about it. I digress. So I was no longer about to fall asleep and decided that I should just get off the couch, go to Petco and maybe hit the grocery store. Play-by-play: I get in the car and head towards 94. I briefly consider getting onto 694 via 100 instead of 94, but change my mind...should have just gone to 100. I get on the ramp towards 94W and pick up speed. I turn up Britney's new CD Circus. I notice what appears to be a chunk of snow on the road that has fallen from some car's wheel well. I pick up more speed and run into the alleged snow chunk. BAM!!! Or maybe KABLAM!!! Britney skips for like 3 seconds and then comes back on. WTF?!!! That was no snow chunk. That was more like a solid ice chunk that probably was shaken loose from the back of a semi truck! I have no choice but to continue onto the freeway. The car is pulling hard to the left and I know that I've blown a tire. I'm in denial about this fact though and continue on towards the 694-252-94 split. I pass a stranded motorist on the side of the road and then succumb to the fact that I too will have to pull over on the side of a major freeway. I cannot make it to 252 or East River Road. I pull over and proceed to freak out. I jump into the passenger seat and get out of my car. Cars are whizzing by me going around 65 mph as I lean over to check my tire...flat. Ugh. I get back in my car and immediately call my go-to-guy Brett. I made it through telling him what happened before I fell into tears and became a blubbering mess. Luckily he was able to come and rescue me...again. What I would do without him, I don't know...I don't want to know. The whole time I was waiting for him in my car I had my eyes glued to the rear view mirror. It was terrifying...all I kept thinking about was how you hear about people being killed on the side of the road because some jackass isn't paying attention to the road. Brett got there in record time...my knight in shining armor....or rather my knight in a very dirty, blue Mitsubishi. So now I have two new tires, which I kind of needed anyway, and all is well. I think there are two morals to this story:
1. When you have a gut feeling to go a certain way...listen to your gut.
2. Do not under any circumstances believe that something on the road can be driven over without a problem...especially in a Minnesota winter!!

New Year's Purge

Don't fret...I wasn't puking my guts out due to over-indulgence on New Year's Eve (although, I was really tired and pissed off that I had to go to work--even if it wasn't until 3 pm). Nope...I finally went through all of my clothes and am getting rid of everything that I don't wear anymore. And a few things that I probably would wear but really shouldn't. You know...those t-shirts with the silly sayings. Most of them I have no problem getting rid of because they are from so long ago that they are short, almost midriff-baring shirts as opposed the shirts of today that are so long that they can cover your butt if you want them too. But there is one that I still really like because it's green and long, however, it has a big lemon on it and and reads "Squeeze Me" which just doesn't really belong on a (gack) 30 year old woman. Sigh. I did keep a denim mini skirt though...Clinton and Stacy may or may not approve. There is a sign on that show (TLC's What Not To Wear for those of you who don't have any idea who Clinton and Stacy are) that reads "No Mini Skirts after 35" so I think I'm safe...for a few years yet. I don't have an exact tally yet because I'm still washing a couple of items that were wrinkly and/or smelled weird from sitting in a drawer for a few years but here's an estimate:

20+ T-shirts
20+ pairs of pants (dress and casual)
15-20 tank tops
15+ long sleeved shirts and sweaters
12 pairs of shoes
7 purses
6 coats and jackets
4 pairs of jeans
3 belts
3 outfits for a 5 or 6 year old girl (stuff for my niece that never got returned)
2 pairs of gloves
2 sets of sheets
1 comforter
...and a partridge in a pear tree!

It's a lot of stuff...most of which is in really good shape. Several items still have tags...I used to have a minor shopping addiction. Used to. Riiight. I think I'm better at buying clothes that I'll actually wear...not necessarily clothes that I need though. And many of the pairs of shoes have only been one once or twice...or not at all. Goodwill is gonna love me. It feels so good to finally be rid of all of that crap. Or at least to have gotten it out of my closet/dresser. Now...let's hope that I actually get it all out of my house. I am a little annoyed at myself for not having done this before the end of 2008 so that I could use the deduction on my taxes for '08. Procrastination is vintage me...not unlike the pink t-shirt with the monkey butt on the back. Come you guys...you remember that shirt right? Kristy? Let me post a picture of it for you:

It's all coming back to you right? Ha! I frickin' loved that shirt!! Alas...it will give someone else joy now...probably a 13 year old. And she can also wear my tiny, tiny jeans with the zippered pockets. I can still squeeze into them since they are stretchy, but they give me uni-butt. Definition: Pants so tight on the butt that it looks like one big cheek instead of two distinct cheeks. Not that I would wear them anyway...not very chic...but they fit. Sort of. Whatever. I'm pooped...and hungry. I'm gonna go make dinner. Later.