'Pink slime' you say? Here's the truth.

Is it okay to start a second blog when you hardly ever write in the first?  I pose this question to which there will be no answer (I assume no one is reading this anymore) with a brain filled with too much information and nowhere to put it.  After three years of schooling in public health, I have finally taken a course that excites and interests and frustrates me to the point of migraine headaches and nausea.  In a good way.  I am filled with a dread for our national and global future, frustrated by the climate of politics in my country and disgusted with the amount of misinformation out there in regards to science.  I don't proclaim to be an expert on much, but there are certain areas of science, medicine and the environment that I know a lot about.  I also simply have a desire to know the truth.  Not the headline or the abstract, the whole story.  Take the story of "pink slime" as an example.  I say story and put that phrase in quotes not to be sarcastic, but because it's the truth.  There is no such thing as "pink slime".  It is a phrase made up by a former US government scientist, written in what was presumed to be a private email that eventually went public.  "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on" - Winston Churchill.

Let's get our pants on.  I will be the first to admit that I think hamburger is kind of icky, as are hot dogs, bologna and any other meat product of questionable origin.  But a lot of people think they are tasty.  And I don't begrudge anyone that which makes them happy, within reason.  The fact of the matter is "lean finely textured beef (LFTB)",  as it is known in the beef industry, is part of hamburger.  A safe part.  I'll take you through what I know.  Cattle are slaughtered for steaks and whatnot and when you do all that cutting, there is a certain amount of fat and muscle that doesn't make the grade.  These trimmings are more likely to have been contaminated by intestinal bacteria such as E. coli (the oft-maligned, sometimes rightfully so, bacterium that lives in the gut).  Instead of wasting that fat and muscle by throwing it out or threatening the food supply by using it as is, a company came up with a way of utilizing the meat.  It involves centrifuging the trimmings and removing a large amount of the fat.  Hey, we're healthier already!  This is where we get the lean part of LFTB.  The next step is to process the remaining beef to eliminate the threat of bacterial contamination by treating it with ammonium hydroxide or citric acid.  These compounds raise the acidity of the LFTB making it a less than cozy environment for bacteria to reside.  The LFTB is then added in with other ground bits of beef to make hamburger.  The use of ammonium hydroxide caused a major stir.  Ammonia?  In our food?  What?!  Settle down.  Why doesn't anyone freak out about the citric acid?  Because we conjure images of orange juice instead of the noxious blue liquid that leaves our windows with a streak-free shine.  I've got some news for you.  You're not eating glass cleaner when you eat hamburger.  Or certain baked goods, puddings and other processed foods.  That's right folks, ammonium hydroxide is used in many different food products.  And, the finished product of LFTB contains very little leftover ammonia.

So I again say I think hamburger is icky.  However, people like to eat it.  And they will continue to do so.  Now that "pink slime" has been removed from certain hamburger blends do you think you are safer?  Nope, probably just the opposite.  Are we going to be importing more beef from other countries to supplement our supply?  Likely yes.  Do these other countries have reliable inspection processes at slaughterhouses?  Maybe, maybe not.  Roll the dice, eat your burger and know that this story of "pink slime" has led to plant shutdowns, company bankruptcies and JOB LOSS.  And if you don't believe me, check this out:
Star Tribune Editorial
South Sioux City News 4      

Okay, so back to my original question.  I think I'm going to start a science blog.  This was my test.

To make a long story short...

I am not going to go through everything that has happened since I last posted (a long, long time ago).  Things happened, I had a nervous breakdown, some other things happened, I started seeing a therapist, got some meds and here we are.  Yay.

What I will say is that there were a few scary weeks in which I cried every day.  Mostly just constant tears, but moments of hyperventilating-can't-walk-from-the-bathroom-back-to-the-living-room-and-end-up-on-the-hallway-floor-sobbing.  Not okay.  So I bucked up and went to the world's best therapist.  She's fabulous.  Turns out I don't think very highly of myself...which is weird 'cause I thought I thought otherwise.  I'm working on it.  Among other things.  I've started by cleaning up the clutter of my life.  The physical clutter, you know, stacks of papers and books, misplaced items and all that.  The idea is that by changing my behaviors I can change my internal image of myself.  My goal is to reach a moment where I can believe that I'm worth it without having to tell it to myself.

To say I'm a work in progress is an understatement of epic proportions.  But aren't we all?  I don't think that I'll ever get to a point where I think I've got it all worked out.  And that's totally okay.  What I hope for is to be present in my life.  For many years I've felt as if I'm just living on the surface, getting from one day to the next.  It was all I was capable of.  Get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, start again.  That's if I could manage to talk myself out of bed, most days I could, with the promise of a nap or telling myself that when I get home I can do nothing.  And my days off were often spent horizontal staring at the TV with glazed eyes.  My escape.  My retreat from real life.  If someone asks me what I did on my day off and I say nothing, the most often given response is "well it's nice to do nothing sometimes."  I wonder if it's so nice when it's all the time.  I still struggle with this.  I think it's become habit now rather than necessity, but I'm not sure.  Right now, in my kitchen, there are clean dishes in the dishwasher that have been in there since Super Bowl Sunday.  February 5th.  It's the 27th.  You can imagine what has become of the dishes that have been used and dirtied in the meantime.  I keep telling myself that I'll do it in a bit.  I'll do it later.  I'll do it tomorrow.  I'll do it when I get home.  But I haven't.  And I don't know why.

I still isolate myself.  I still don't reach out to my friends and family.  I'm still a work in progress.